The end of the rainbow.

It's been a tough week emotionally over here. I started out my week on Sunday in a depressed mood. It was one of those days where the loss of a loved one comes back around to tug on your soul again. I sat in my living room and just cried. I miss my grandparents, all of them, but my my thoughts were pulled to my Poppy and his passing. To say that I've come to terms with his suicide is just complete hogwash. I'm still mad about it frankly. I didn't spend my day in a deep hole of sorrow, but I definitely felt the weight of his passing all day.
On Monday, I was better. I was excited for the new week and all of the stuff I had planned and was working on at work. The day went by fairly quickly and I was excited to go to work again Tuesday to work on a project with the PR team. Tuesday morning hit me with all of the feels. I woke up to find that a college friend of mine had succumbed to the cancer that they had courageously battled for the past 2+ years. I remember that he posted about his diagnosis around the same time that my family had found out that we had a family member fighting the good battle as well. I remember sending messages back and forth on Facebook and giving each other hope. We had fallen out of touch as so many do after college, but our joint fight connected us once again. I couldn't help but be struck with fear and anxiety as I knew my own family member had another scan on Thursday. The anxiety got to me and I cancelled plans with friends for Wednesday night. Frankly cancelling gave me more anxiety because I felt like I was letting my friends down. I spent 24 hours in a vat of anxiety. Thursday came, and I got a call at 430p... "Cancer free". It was something that I needed to hear, not only to know that my family member was ok, but to relieve myself of some of the fear, anxiety, and feeling of letting my family down for having set out on my own life during the hardest of time my family has faced.
I was ok, my family was ok, I could breathe.
I made the decision right then and there, that the next day was going to be a mental health day. I took a vacation day from work and set out into nature. I hiked with my dog, read a book, and had a drink on the deck while reading my bible study readings. It was a tidal wave of emotions, but a much needed day to sit and reflect. Each moment here is a precious gift.

"Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift." ~ 2 Corinthians 9:15

For TJ: Thank you for smiling until the end, and thank you for being a light in the lives of so many. I pray you've found your peace and eternal rest.