Your time is now!

I have had the opportunity over the past few months, to see the last 6 years of my life in a new light. Time to look at my actions, my interactions, and my lack of action. I've had the chance to do some soul searching, and connect with me again. I've had to come to terms with how I changed as a person, over those 6 years, and then again in the time since.

3 years ago, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test. I was a very strong ESFJ, also dubbed the "caregiver" of all of the personality types. Key traits of this type, are putting others first, the strong desire to help others, the use of empathy, and the willingness to change oneself to appease others. The short and simple, is that I would do anything for anyone and will adjust to those around me to gain acceptance.

A very smart woman told me over a year ago, that I had changed as a person. That I had stopped being "me". I dismissed it. I cried because her words were raw and harsh. Looking back now, I realize that she was an outsider looking in and that she had a clearer view because of that.

I spent six years trying to be the best me, and trying to be everything that someone else wanted me to be. I hung on every word, and strived for any kind of compliment or bit of praise I could get. I also became hypersensitive to every negative thing that was said. I would work an 8-9 hour day, come home, clean up around the house, cook dinner, and have everything ready when my partner walked in the door. Every night I would pray to get a simple "thank you" and/ or "dinner is good". One day, after my partner came home from work, he made a comment about my makeup; I was wearing full makeup and lipstick. "Who did you wear that for"? Those 6 words stuck with me. I had worn the extra bit of makeup and lipstick that day because I had wanted to look good... for him. I mean, everything us girls hear is that red lipstick is a turn on for men, but for me I felt accused of going behind my partner's back and trying to garner attention from other men. I completely stopped wearing makeup to work after that, and didn't pick up a lipstick for 3 years.

I lost me.

Looking back now, there are more than 50 different examples of my personality type getting the best of me. I accepted that fact that I was never the priority and I excused away behaviors and actions that others would find questionable or down right inappropriate. Some might refer to it as "Stockholm Syndrome", and I can't say that I would disagree. These past few months I have started to find me again. I have a new found "I don't give a flying hoot" mentality. I'm going to do for me. Maybe that's what gave me the umph to tell a guy I think he is adorable and ask him out. I know for sure that it's the reason I have spent the past 4 months wearing lipstick every day.... a lot of bright red lipstick, because I LIKE WEARING SASSY RED LIPSTICK! I also bought a watch, because I like Michael Kors watches, even if it is a "fad name brand".

Take time to find you. Take time away to reflect, to listen to your heart. Take time to love the true you! And take time to wear bright lipstick and fad name brand watches, if that's what YOU like!