When "Enough" is, Enough

When is enough, enough?

"Am I good enough?" "Am I smart enough?" "Am I pretty enough?" "Am I strong enough?"

"AM I ENOUGH?"

Well, ENOUGH ALREADY!

It was a tough year last year, and it definitely had me questioning myself a few times. I remember the last time I felt like this; I was in high school, and I had a terrible day at school. I hated school as a kid. I was bullied for my height, my hair, my weight, and my lack of boyfriends. I still got up and put my pants on, one leg at a time just like everyone else, and went to school. I tried to be friends with everyone. Yeah, I got made fun of for that too, because I hung out with kids who were "different". I found myself asking "When will being a good person, a kind person, be enough?" This past year when my grandfather committed suicide, I again fell upon asking myself "Why wasn't I enough?" It was hard, because I felt like I was enough, but to someone so close I wasn't? Then three short months later, the man I loved up and walked out. Again, there I am saying, "I thought I was enough. Why was I not enough?" I have struggled on and off with anxiety, and self esteem. Take all of these different instances together, and you start to have this irrational fear; "Maybe I'm not enough. Maybe I'll always be shy of enough."

Webster's defines "enough" (the adjective) as: "occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations"

Let's look at it. You know when you've had enough to eat. You feel satisfied, happy, full. You know when you've had enough to drink. You feel satisfied, happy, and (in my case) feisty and free spirited. You know when you've had enough sun for the day. You feel satisfied, happy, and (again in my case) slightly fried. There are two things in common, satisfaction and happiness.

In high school I was happy with having a diverse set of friends, and I was satisfied with my morals, not giving a flying whoot if the people I talked to were "different". I came to realize that this mentality could be applied to every situation in which I questioned if I had been enough. In my relationship, I had been enough... He was not enough. For my grandfather, I was enough, but he didn't have enough of my grandmother that had passed 3 years prior.

Fact is, I have always been enough. I'm enough for me, and that's all that truly matters. I can try to be enough for everyone else, but what's really important is that I am enough for me. I only have to be with you for a while, but I have to live a lifetime with myself.

This is me standing here saying that I am enough. I am a good enough daughter. I am a good enough human being. I am a good enough friend. I am good enough!