Your time is now!

I have had the opportunity over the past few months, to see the last 6 years of my life in a new light. Time to look at my actions, my interactions, and my lack of action. I've had the chance to do some soul searching, and connect with me again. I've had to come to terms with how I changed as a person, over those 6 years, and then again in the time since.

3 years ago, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test. I was a very strong ESFJ, also dubbed the "caregiver" of all of the personality types. Key traits of this type, are putting others first, the strong desire to help others, the use of empathy, and the willingness to change oneself to appease others. The short and simple, is that I would do anything for anyone and will adjust to those around me to gain acceptance.

A very smart woman told me over a year ago, that I had changed as a person. That I had stopped being "me". I dismissed it. I cried because her words were raw and harsh. Looking back now, I realize that she was an outsider looking in and that she had a clearer view because of that.

I spent six years trying to be the best me, and trying to be everything that someone else wanted me to be. I hung on every word, and strived for any kind of compliment or bit of praise I could get. I also became hypersensitive to every negative thing that was said. I would work an 8-9 hour day, come home, clean up around the house, cook dinner, and have everything ready when my partner walked in the door. Every night I would pray to get a simple "thank you" and/ or "dinner is good". One day, after my partner came home from work, he made a comment about my makeup; I was wearing full makeup and lipstick. "Who did you wear that for"? Those 6 words stuck with me. I had worn the extra bit of makeup and lipstick that day because I had wanted to look good... for him. I mean, everything us girls hear is that red lipstick is a turn on for men, but for me I felt accused of going behind my partner's back and trying to garner attention from other men. I completely stopped wearing makeup to work after that, and didn't pick up a lipstick for 3 years.

I lost me.

Looking back now, there are more than 50 different examples of my personality type getting the best of me. I accepted that fact that I was never the priority and I excused away behaviors and actions that others would find questionable or down right inappropriate. Some might refer to it as "Stockholm Syndrome", and I can't say that I would disagree. These past few months I have started to find me again. I have a new found "I don't give a flying hoot" mentality. I'm going to do for me. Maybe that's what gave me the umph to tell a guy I think he is adorable and ask him out. I know for sure that it's the reason I have spent the past 4 months wearing lipstick every day.... a lot of bright red lipstick, because I LIKE WEARING SASSY RED LIPSTICK! I also bought a watch, because I like Michael Kors watches, even if it is a "fad name brand".

Take time to find you. Take time away to reflect, to listen to your heart. Take time to love the true you! And take time to wear bright lipstick and fad name brand watches, if that's what YOU like!

All you ever want

We go through life always looking to others for acceptance. We try to life up to the expectation and standards of others. We have to keep a perfect reputation. When life throws you a curve ball you sit there and try to view yourself and the situation from the outside. Given my recent situation, I've had to reflect on the how I'm viewed by the people that meant so much to me that will no longer be in my life. Do these people realize just what happened, do they realize just how tough this has been, or how much I want them to see the truth and the person that I truly am? Are these people only hearing the other side of the story? You get to the point where you want to break down and tell them just what happened and how it went down, to make sure that the blame is properly laid and that the your image and reputation are upheld. Sounds like exactly what I need, but then I got thinking will approaching them with this information do any good, or will doing so be the thing that actually does affect their image of me? Why do I care, should I care? Chances are I will never see these people again, and they are not my family, so why does their view and opinion of me matter so much? I can't help but want their understanding and approval. I want to know that people see what has happened and that I was not the bad guy, that I didn't do wrong. Somehow it all matters. I know I'm the only one that can affect how I'm viewed, but it still matters.

Can you validate,... Who's the Boss?

Oey vey!
Well, our friend Tony Danza was asking "Who's the Boss?" for years. It may not have been years, but it sure felt like it the past few weeks at work. With a large company that is merging with yet another large company, there is quite a bit of uncertainty. Where will the office be, will I have a job, will I be promoted/ demoted, will I like my job? Lucky for me, my area of the organization is moving faster than the rest of the business with job placements. I actually know who the boss is! (No, it isn't Tony Danza.) There are still a bunch of unknowns in the situation, but at least I know who my boss is, what job I have, and that I don't have to relocate (at least for the time being).
You see all kinds of people in these situations; there's that person that thrives off of the drama and uncertainty, then there's the people that peace out almost immediately because they either can't handle the unknown or don't want to deal with the unknown, then there's joe shmoe who goes about as if nothing is going on, and there's the sarcastic worrier who's cracking jokes to get through it., and finally, there's the seasoned veteran who is going to save the sinking ship or die trying  (meaning they aren't going anywhere even if it all goes up in flames. Think the old man from the move "Up"). I've met them all since the first merger announcement was made in October.
One thing that has come out of all of these experiences over the past few weeks/months, is validation. The gratification and satisfaction in oneself and or one's work or character. I received validation several times last week. I was asked to help facilitate our national sales meeting (kind of a big deal as I have only been in the sales function 11 months), I was praised by my current manager as well as his manager, I was commended for saving a large chunk of sales from 2016 (nearly $15 million), and then a few personal validations from friends and family. I am a firm believer that you receive back what you put out into the world; if you are a sour-puss life will throw you lemons, but if you are sweet as pie you life will be drizzled in honey. Validation comes with a drizzle of honey. When you taste just how sweet it is, it makes you hungry for more, it makes you push for more. If you want the best out of people, validate them, complement them. Build people up, don't constantly break them down. Be the positivity you want to see in the world. As Ellen says, be kind to one another.