Let me drive this home

Ok, so this one is going to be a little all over the place. I warn you/ apologize in advance! Can I tell you how hard it is to come home to your childhood house after being on your own for 5 years?! It's not that I'm ungrateful, but in 5 years time you develop your own pattern and rhythm to your days. Now I come home, and I'm having to re-learn the patterns of my father and brother. Sitting here in my childhood room, which has once again become my bedroom, feels like a lifetime ago. Memories of simpler times cover the walls. Finding a few straggler glow in the dark stars still stuck to the walls and ceiling also drove the point home. It's a weird feeling; although of all places I truly belong here with my family, I feel like a stranger in this house.
I really wanted to talk here about driving, literally, but decided against it. No one wants to read about my pet peeves when it comes to other drivers. I will say, use your dang blinkers, don't tailgate, if you are being passed on both the left and right move over, and a yield sign means that you don't have the right-away. Oh and dear PENDOT, cloverleaf exits/ entrances are never the answer. (For those that don't know what a cloverleaf exit is, I'll add a picture below.)
I had my year end review at work today. I can truly say that my work family is the best. The co-workers that I have I can truly call family (I mean that both figuratively and literally). Not only do I get to work with my father and brother, but also my best friends. I have never been so popular as I have been these last 3 weeks! Sometimes, it takes hitting absolute rock bottom for you to see things in a different light. These past 3 weeks, I have been blessed with the most loving and caring friends. Friends that I was once very close with, but fell out of touch with when life took us in different directions have reached out. People are checking on me, trying to keep me busy, trying to make me laugh. I have to believe that this is a true reflection of myself. I must be something special to have such amazing and wonderful people care about me. I believe that you get from life what you give. If this is any indication of what I have given to those around me, I cannot help but be amazed.
In the drive to talk with other people and get a feel for the dating world again (*cringe*), I had joined an online dating site. I mentioned in an earlier post that I ended up running into my cousin's ex on the site. Wouldn't you know, the ding dong thought it wasn't weird and thought he still had a chance?! Sorry buddy, I'm not about keeping it in the family. I had to break it to him, and his response... "It's too bad. I would have like to have dated you, or at least hooked up." And this is why you are 33 and single. There may have been other things that helped drive home the validation as to "and this is why you are still single". The internet makes people brazen; there's no need to be shy or timid online. You can get away with saying that "you would be a good hook up". If you were looking me in the eye, would you have the go-nads to say these things to me? I get that people lie online as well, but what would a girl get out of lying about her height (5'11")? I mean seriously. I could see if I put 5'4" in my profile and you questioned that, but what would I gain from lying and saying I'm 5'11"? If anything, as a girl saying that you are 5'11", you are further limiting yourself. Some guys don't like girls that are taller than them or the same height as them. Although I won't complain about my height, I wouldn't have hated to be a few inches shorter.... you know for someone as clumsy as myself 5'11" is a darn long way to fall!
It's late, and tomorrow is still a work day so I'm going to call it a night. My last sentiment is "thank you!" For those of you who don't know, blogs give you a total view count, and this site gives you the view count on each post. My last 2 blog posts generated 4x the viewership than any other post I'd ever done. I don't know if what I'm writing is that interesting, or relatable, or if people can't look away like watching a car crash in slow motion but regardless I am completely humbled that you would take the time to read through my posts. Have a great Friday and weekend all!

Time to think

I'm sitting here waiting on my car to be inspected and new tires to be put on. The time, and endless CNN loop have given me time to think and reflect. I'm overwhelmed by the responses to my last post. I appreciate the love and support that was sent my way. Thank you all.
Everyone is saying "at least it happened now, and not after you were married". The sad fact is, marriage would not have changed things. Being together for 6 years, our lives were already so entwined, that we are basically "getting a divorce" with out the lawyers and legality of it all.
I am grateful that we are both responsible and kind-hearted people. There will be no battle over material possessions. The material-ness of it all isn't the biggest issue. You don't realize how tied your life is to the people in your significant others life. The feeling is one of losing my own family. Although I want to keep in touch and have a relationship with his family, I understand that life may not work that way... That time and distance may separate us.
Thinking about moving again, selling our house, dividing up possessions, packing. What can I afford? What do I want? Do I go back to NJ or stay in PA? Do I rent something out try to buy a condo?
Thinking of the dating world and the future is terrifying. Signing up for online dating, downright cringe-worthy. Having your cousin's ex message you on said dating site, mortifying! I never thought I'd even have to think of dating again.
I'm going to make it through!

Follow me through my journey back into dating, moving, and the upside turns that have become my life.

Let's Change It Up

So it's been a while since I've blogged, or posted anything of my own words. A whole lot of time has passed, as well as friendships, relationships, and life experiences. Thinking about it I see the potential for this blog as an outlet and in some way possibly cathartic. I'm going to change my focus from lacrosse, to everyday life, trials, successes, lessons, and celebrations. I hope that I can grow and maybe connect with others who can relate. To post about my life, is a dramatic change from anything I've ever done before.
So, obviously this blog is no longer a class requirement for college. I'm proud to say that I successful completed my college career and was the first member of my family to graduate with a bachelors degree! I can't thank my family enough for the support!
I started work at a small media firm, close to where I grew up. I was employed there for 6 months before the economy caused the company to layoff some employees. After leaving the media world, I found employment at a wonderful (and well known) private company just minutes from my home town. I started out in an entry level position, have had two promotions since, and received a 5 year service recognition this past September. My career has brought some of the most caring and wonderful people into my life, people that I am honored to call my friends even outside of the office.
I have spent the past nearly 6 years with a wonderful man. We have had wonderful times together. In October of 2015 on a mountain top village in Tuscany, he asked me to marry him. It was truly the most surreal and amazing days of my life, and I have never been so happy as I was in that moment. Just recently, he had a change of heart and called off our engagement. Although I feel lost, and broken, I have to have faith that we will both find love and peace. A piece of me will love him always.
My family has known loss these past few years. My grandmother, who I affectionately dubbed "the cockroach" due to her ability to come out of each of her medical issues unscathed, succumbed to her age and medical issues. She was a fighter until the very end, and the glue that held us all together. On her last night with us she lay in a coma, and I saw my grandfather cry for the first time in my life. He said to me that night, "I hope I did enough."  It was an eye opening moment for me, and a true testament to their love. He may not have always outwardly shown his love for her, but that night in that moment there was no doubt of his love for her. Nearly three years to the day, my grandfather took his own life. There was no note, no last phone call, no last conversation to draw any conclusions  from. Although we can't say for sure, we believe his love for her and his broken heart ultimately got the best of him. I miss them both terribly, and pray that they have finally found piece together.
Now that I've gotten sappy and long winded, I'm going to bring this entry to a close. I'm hoping to continue this blog, digging deeper into some of these topics in the future.

My grandparents and I, the day of my college graduation, 2011.